Dear Byrna,

So, on my way home from work today I decided to stop at Papa Murphy’s to pick up a pizza for dinner. This particular Papa Murphy’s is located inside the Smith’s grocery store at Central Ave. and Tramway in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Ok, those from Albuquerque know that this location is not in the best part of town.

I go in, pay for my family size supreme pizza, and leave. As I am exiting the store, I am immediately approached by a homeless dude who had a striking resemblance to Charles Manson. He grabs my arm and says, “Give me that f*^king pizza!” I turned and immediately replied, “Go f*^k yourself!” When I turn to walk away, the homeless dude shoved me and grabbed my pizza. Well, nobody jacks with my Family Size Supreme. I immediately reached into my jacket pocket and replied, “Here, have some pepper with your pizza!” I whipped out my Bad Guy Repellant (BGR) pepper spray and gave my newfound friend a good three-second blast right in the eyes. He immediately threw the pizza in the air, which went in about fifty different directions, grabbed his face, and started screaming.

I turned to discover that a security guard standing by the door had witnessed the entire event. He was laughing his butt off, “Pepper for your pizza, that’s the funniest thing I have ever heard.” The security guard was laughing so hard, that he was down on one knee with tears in his eyes. I thought for a second, he might have gotten some of the BGR.

I went back into the store, told my story to the cashier at Papa Murphy’s. They replaced my Family Size Supreme free of charge. As I made my way out of the store for the second time, the security guard was still laughing. I asked, “Where’s that guy?” The security guard pointed across the parking lot and said that he was at the gas station washing his eyes. I asked him if I should wait around for the police. The security guard replies, “Are you kidding, they will not come out for something like this.” I stated, “good enough,” and I left. Shopping in this cesspool called Albuquerque is always a challenge, however, thanks to Byrna’s BGR, I was able to fend off a pizza thief and gave the security guard a good laugh.

Thank you Byrna!

Larry J.